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| Family Guy |
| One if by Clam, Two if by Sea |
Series 3, Episode 4
"The Drunken Clam is bought out by an Englishman named Nigel."
Episode Guide -
Quotes -
Analysis - Notes |
| Episode Guide |
Time passes as the guys sit in the bar and Peter tells the same story about him planning to leave his job at the toy factory. They continue to drink at the Drunken Clamp. They see on the news that a storm is coming. Quagmire wears a priest face mask to get women into his “shelter.”
The storm hits and destroys half the town. Peter fools everyone with a fake sign through his stomach. Chris makes a theatre with dead rats. The guys drive down the road to find the clam wrecked. Turns out it is just rubble however the bar is behind it. But it has been bought up by an English guy who has turned it into an English pub. They flee.
Peter arrives home to find Lois talking to Nigel, who has moved in next door. He is the guy who has purchased the bar. Lois talks to Peter. Nigel’s daughter goes to speak to Stewie but he tells her to get lost. Peter and the guys go to try and find a different bar to hang out in. The first place they try is a lesbian bar.
An English bus pulls up and more people go into the Drunken Clam. The guys argue and blame it on the British. Stewie gets an invitation from Nigel’s daughter, Eliza’s birthday party. Stewie decides to teach her to talk properly.
The guys head into the Drunken Clam to attack and shoot beer from shaken up cans at the English. Nigel asks them to leave. Nigel threatens to use his superior linguistic skills and soon they are walking out. Peter tells them he has never been defeated over than once where he was the green guy and a friend from school was the red guy.
The guys sneak onto an English ship with beer and tip all the beer over the side of the boat. Peter arrives home next morning. Lois asks him where he is. On the news, it says the Clams Head Pub has burned down. The police come in and arrest Peter thanks to an anonymous tip from a giant bug. The guys are convicted and sent to prison.
After Peter’s ass if hauled to jail Nigel comes over and tells Lois to be at Eliza’s birth date. A killer that Joe put away comes cover and tells him that he and his friends are all dead. Stewie tries to teach Eliza to speak properly but they end up arguing.
The women are done at the burned out wreckage of the Drunken Clam. They discuss who their husbands could not have done this. An insurance man comes up and says he has a check for Nigel for $5,000,000 as he took out a huge policy the say before the place burned down.
Stewie finally gets Eliza to speak properly and bursts into a song for no apparent reason. They start dancing. Later at the party the women decide to search for evidence. They get Lois to distract him and get him to admit he committed insurance fraud. She comes down the stairs just like its done in She’s All That.
At midnight the guys prepare to die but they are freed at the last minute. The killer comes in just after they leave and wonders where they are. He wonders what being stabbed feels like and tries it. He realises it hurts and plans not to do it anymore. The Drunken Clam reopens with its classic style. Meanwhile in England Nigel is hanged. Eliza is sent to an orphanage and writes a letter to Stewie saying she blames Lois and plans to kill her. |
| Quotes |
Peter: “Well someone tell this cigarette to shut up”
Peter: “Yes this is a dark and evil place”
Lois: “Nigel’s charming, all British men are”
Benjamin: “You don’t even know who I am”
Peter: “I saw we fight the British and drive them back to whichever country they came from”
Brian: “I wasn’t betting, why don’t you just shut up for about a week”
Peter: “We kicked your ass in world war II and we can do it again”
Peter: “Ah good he thinks we’re all zombies. He will leave us alone”
Nigel: “One time I played a game of cricket without shin guards” |
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